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The World’s Biggest Penis and, Perhaps, the Most Perfect Vagina

This may be the first time ever that superstar mega-goddess Tera Patrick got upstaged by a big, fat penis. Well, not exactly upstaged – but the penis definitely took over the second half of the show.

The first half was all Miss Tera, calling in from her life as a mom, as well as her many other roles: producer, softcore model, burlesque dancer, cosplay enthusiast, animal lover. Amber, Savannah and Tera chatted about Vegas and next week’s AEE Show. They talked girly stuff, like which of them has the best ass. Amber described Tera as refined and “lady-like.” Tera complimented Amber fashion sense, recalling a dance routine in which Amber wore only a fur coat.

Perhaps the most delightful detail that Tera let spill is that her current partner (and father of their daughter) met her while he was taking a mold of her vagina for Fleshlight, to create her signature line of sex toys for the company. “I got shy when he was doing it,” Tera said and she knew that chemistry was in the air. Shy is SO seXXXy.

Tera also said that she hasn’t shot hardcore scenes since 2008 and currently shoots only softcore, à la  Andrew Blake. She does webcam; Amber pointed out that webcam really is the new format for porn.

Tera will make an appearance performing burlesque at a la Mode Thursdays, at 1 Oak in the Mirage Hotel, in Las Vegas on January 16, as part of the festivities around the AEE Show.

Then, after Tera, there was the penis. And NOT Robert Steven Rhine’s penis. Well, actually, it IS his penis, technically…

Rhine is the “deaditor-in-chief” of Girls and Corpses Magazine, the only magazine about death, comedy and HOT chicks on Earth, ever. Like a zombie bikini mash-up with a necrophilia chaser. And maybe unsurprisingly, lots of very HOT girls want to be photographed with dead, petrified, mummified, preserved things – hence, the penis.

Won at auction, Rhine claimed that it came from someone named the “Polish Giant” or something like that – just one of many strange items in his collection.

In a pickle jar, a huge, soft-looking, flesh-colored, vein-y, severed penis floating in some liquid. With the scrotum attached. Like those eggs you get in dive bars and a bloated braunschweiger shoved in a jar. No one asked why it was cut off, so Rhine will have to come back on the show and explain how a huge penis ends up without its owner in L.A.

Amber said that she thought it was bigger than John Holmes.

Not to be overshadowed by the penis, beautiful starlet Jayden Lee joined the show, especially to lapdance Savannah, who was in her black leather. An exotic mix of Asian and hispanic, Jayden is a native Spanish-speaker – that’s really seXXXy. Jayden got a kiss on the lips from Amber, which not even Robert Rhine got one of those.

He did get a lapdance, though, from very lovely Jayden. And then he took his penis and went home.

To listen to last night’s show, click here.

(Photos courtesy of EMM Report)

On January 9 – Ms Tera Patrick – SO SeXXXy HOT SeXXXy

tera-patrick-1050x1680We’re really proud to announce – on our next show, Jan 9 at 7pm PST – porn royalty Ms Tera Patrick will join us for some girly chat. Tera, Amber and Savannah will dish the dirt, only a week before the Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas, Jan 15-17.

Tera is a sweetheart. She and Amber go a ways back. Tera is a beautiful woman, caring mom and partner, she loves her pets. And frankly, she may have the most perfect breasts on Earth – let’s just SAY IT – they are luscious, pillow-y, HOT, heaving mounds of woman flesh and we LOVE that. LOVE. Yummy yum yum!

Ms Tera also has an amazing following in the gamer world after an appearance in Saints Row II and she is into cosplay, which is really fucking hot. Like, imagine Tera Patrick in a plush, pink, furry kitty kat bustier and thong, Google Glass(es), 6″ heel pink vinyl Hello Kitty thigh-high boots, lots of diamond bling and an AK-47… and whiskers…well, you get the picture. AND she performs a sought-after burlesque act that involves a lot of seXXXy lingerie and high heels.

Oh – just fyi – Tera AND Amber and A LOT of legendary adult stars also will be appearing at the HollywoodShow.com THIS WEEKEND, Jan 3-5, at the Loews Hollywood Hotel. Don’t miss this opportunity to meet them in person, take pictures, get autographs and hang out with so many adult icons in one spot!

LISTEN to Tera Patrick LIVE this Thursday, Jan 9 at 7pm PST, on Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored @ LATalkRadio.com.

Pee Wee Herman Sends a XXXmas Card to Seka Every Year

That’s just one of the many amazing things we found out about adult superstar guest Seka tonight on Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored. Seka said Paul “Pee Wee Herman” Reubens is a friend and that they exchange yuletide greetings. Of course, Reubens also is known for being arrested at an adult theater – we have NO idea if he was watching Seka that day (or Amber Lynn for that matter) and we don’t care – Pee Wee ROCKS!

Listeners got a slice of p-star life from two legends of the XXX screen. Amber idolizes Seka. She described the pure platinum style that Seka created in the ’70s, which has been copied again and again by women who came to the industry after women like Seka blazed the trail. Seka explained that her career in the adult industry offered her opportunities to travel and meet people from all over the world. She has no regrets.

Local L.A. porn historian Bill Margold called in briefly to reminisce.

Co-hostess Savannah Jane was curious about how Seka got her name (she chose it after meeting a dancer with the name). While Amber and Seka were chatting, Savannah received several texts from friends asking for pix of Seka. Unfortunately, Ms Seka has a little cold and had to phone the interview in…

Seka WILL be in Los Angeles this weekend for the Hollywood Show, alongside Amber, a slew of adult legends and mainstream celebrities. Attendees can take pictures with celebrities, get autographs and purchase collectable memorabilia. Check out the website to see everyone that’s gonna be there. The Hollywood Show is being held at the Loews Hollywood Hotel, January 3-5.

Seka is so COOL – we LOVE that she was our first guest for 2014. Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored is off to a sizzling start, and it’s just gonna get HOTTER and HOTTER.

Tomorrow Night on Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored – Pornstar Legend Seka

Mouth-Public-Relations-Inside-Seka-Book-JacketThe holidays just keep on COMING! You cannot miss Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored tomorrow night, Jan 2 at 7pm PST, when Amber talks to iconic ’70s porn star Seka. Two legends will talk about what it was like, back in the day, to be world famous SEXXX symbols – before the Internet! They’ll chat about some of their famous scene partners – great woodsmen like John Holmes, Jamie Gillis, Tom Byron, Ron Jeremy and many more. And they’ll give you an inside look at the behind-the-scenes lives of the great ladies of XXX.

Seka has recently published her memoirs, “Inside Seka – The Platinum Princess of Porn.” She also will be appearing alongside Amber Lynn and many other adult legends, at The Hollywood Show this weekend, Jan 3-5, at the Loews Hollywood-Highland. LISTEN on LATalkRadio.com tomorrow night and CALL IN LIVE at (323-203-0815). Then, meet these lovely, SeXXXy ladies in person this weekend! That ROCKS!

Meet AMBER LYNN, Other Adult Legends In Person, In Hollywood!

1536729_10151799272626498_163193756_nThe upcoming Hollywood Show will host adult royalty, with legendary names that have ruled hearts and HARD-ons EVERYWHERE! Jenna Jameson, Seka, Nina Hartley, Amber Lynn, Ron Jeremy, Veronica Hart, Luc Wylder, Alexandra Silk, Kay Parker, Richard Pacheco, Alana Evans, Kitten Natividad (“Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens”), Kelly Nichols, Ginger Lynn, and sexologist Dr. Susan Block.

WOW – it’s a veritable XXX-rated Hall of Fame. Honestly, you won’t believe the stories you’ll hear – it’s all very incestuous and glamorous and CRAZY. Just like rock’n’roll. Only naked and with anal 🙂

Don’t miss out on a chance to buy collectable merch, take photos and meet these heroes of the Sexual Revolution. FANS, come and respect – we love YOU xo. The HollywoodShow.com takes place the weekend after New Year’s on January 3-5, at the Loews Hotel next to Hollywood & Highland. Contact us here at the blog for questions about Miss Amber appearance, AmberLynn@Rock-N-SeXXXy-Uncensored.com.

BOOM! Rock’N’SeXXXY on the Night After XXXmas

1461561_10151807339006498_1525815889_nAmber Lynn and Savannah Jane enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner at the Rainbow this year, then Thursday hosted a FRESH Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored with guests adult starlet/rocker girl Kristal Summers, and hardcore drummer for T.S.O.L. (and The Dickies and many, many more) Anthony “Tiny Bubz” Biuso LIVE in the studio!

Miss Kristal called in from her special XXXmas getaway. A real rocker girl at heart, a lot of musicians LOVE Kristal and listen in to the show whenever she is on. She was a HUGE hit at the porn star sleep-over that Amber hosted in the summer on her previous show. BLDrriHCEAAkhxtListeners were not disappointed as the girl talk turned to stories of stocking STUFFERS and who got the best BIGGEST toys and Santa coming down the chimney. Me-ow!

BOOM! Tiny made his entrance. He may have to change his name to Bizzy, as Amber found out from the mohawked Biuso. Let’s see – he teaches at Hollywood’s Musicians Institute and other music schools; he’s still strong with Long Beach cult punk band T.S.O.L. for a decade now; he’s starting a foundation for kids named after his trademark phrase BOOM (for Bringing Opportunity to Others Musically); and he also works with animal charities (reach him at bubblerama@yahoo.com if you want to help with the animals, too). AND he’s working on a video project with Riki Rachtman called “Fork in the Road.602568_10200911279241929_72186791_nVery funny, unpredictable stuff.

DAMN! And he’s playing this Saturday night, December 28, at the Roxy with Hookers & Blow. Not literally hookers and blow. Hookers & Blow are Guns’N’Roses Dizzy Reed and Quiet Riot’s Alex Grossi, and you never know WHO just might show up. New Year’s Eve will find Tiny and his T.S.O.L. brothers in Denver, CO, playing with punk rock legend Jello Biafra (Dead Kennedys). Never mind the legal weed, Colorado – slam in the New Year!

Anyway, probably the MOST important thing – because Tiny is 6’4″, mohawked, NYC Italian,  a ROCKSTAR, and a genuine sweetheart, both Amber and Savannah agreed that he is just really fucking HOT 🙂photo

The show wants to give a BIG shout out to our guests for saving some extra special Christmas cheer to spread with Rock’N’SeXXXy listneners.

Listen to Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT at 7pm PST on LATalkRadio.com xoxo Listen to this episode RIGHT HERE.

Mele Kalikimaka!! Merry XXXmas, SeXXXies!! We Love You xo

A classic scene like this is never forgotten and never gets old. We wish you, your friends and families a dreamy holiday, with lots of fun and love. And now, a special treat for YOU. Aloha!

 

Happy XXXmas!! Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-TA-TAs!!

unnamedMiss Amber Lynn is a fabulous cook, as already mentioned. She baked up a batch of these cupcakes for XXXmas. Don’t they look YUMMY? Hey, wait a minute… they kinda look like… BOOBIES!! Yay!!! Mmmmmmm, rich-velvety mounds of cake slathered in sugary-sweet, lickable, melt-in-your-mouth cream cheese frosting. Don’t ya just wanna take a big mouthful and enjoy???

Of course you do. Go ahead – treat yourself – it’s the Holly-daze.

There’s still time before the Fat Man makes his appearance, so here’s a super-good recipe for red velvet cupcakes from Food.com. Better hurry up, Rudolph, we’re saving one for ya!